Fruehlings Gefuehle

("Spring of feelings," to borrow an expression from a friend.) Why does Spring make us feel so much? For some, a feeling of literally being tumbled up, down and around in a washing machine of emotions.

In 2004 sometime in the first week of May, I remember jumping out of my bed loft, throwing on a skirt and catching a steel-wheeled trolly to the Embarcadero Farmer's Market. I bought a handful of large yellow sunflowers and some blown glass jewelry for my Mother. Very suddenly overcome with hunger, I needed something to eat right then. I stood in front of Noah's Bagels. Dark smoke billowed out of the front door as an employee jabbed the toaster for a fiery bagel. The world started to spin beneath me and I had to grab a post to keep from going down. Colors were brighter, smells more intense that morning. One week later I stood over my sink looking at the results of my home pregnancy test and then everything fell into place. A week after that my closet contained a new wardrobe, and my fridge was full of prune juice and figs.


Today we joined friends for an Easter brunch. Smells from the kitchen thickened the air with eggs, sausage, toasting bagels and fresh fruit. Everyone delighted in Anja, and she delighted right back. The company spanned 16 mos to 93 years. We're the newer members of "the family." I love gatherings at this home. Everyone has long, wiry hair and full eyebrows. Beautiful aging artists, intellectuals, subversives. Thinkers. Their humorous scenicism rejuvenates me. As brunch winds down, the ball game is turned on and the Eastern accents in the room come out. It is agreed that we'll meet up for a game of stickball next week. I can just see it - Converse hightops, flasks and the odd array of household 'bats.' It's good to know that at 60-something, perhaps beyond, I'll still be overcome with spring fever.

(Photo by Gabriel Biderman - taken with a pinhole camera mounted on a bicycle, Amsterdam 2003)